So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
