Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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