grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I could fuck to npr.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
