we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
