sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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