He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What drink are we having for lunch?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
