i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
