then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
