Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i think i have herpe
just one?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
