time to smoke my breakfast
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
