its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
