you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
