Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
PANTIES FOUND
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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