Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dicks are not precious.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
