at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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