i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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