I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
