life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's get the cat blown out
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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