I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
