When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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