I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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