my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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