i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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