So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
