It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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