maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Lo siento on account of my penis...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
