Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
only if we run a train.
done.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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