I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
