You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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