dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
