You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
