And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
