WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
