so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
