Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
