i don't like sucking hair
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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