He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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