Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
