my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
