i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize