i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
pop tarts are not kleenex
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
