Tell her she can't have a vagina
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
