Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
