My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish you could order shots online.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
