I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
now i know why i became what i already was.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
