My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
