Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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