i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize