like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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