he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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