He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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