So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's official drugs can't kill me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
