He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
