I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
