Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
