you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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