I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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