I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
