where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
