so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
