The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
