You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
