please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
