He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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