Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
