Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
