he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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