Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
