just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
