I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
