Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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