Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
In America we eat man semen.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
