so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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