he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
