i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
