If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
