lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
