Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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