a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just want to make out with him forever
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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