you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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