It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
