Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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