If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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