He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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