if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
