i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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