I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
