Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
