No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
