im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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