She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
