9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize