fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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