Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
