why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize